Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
