hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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