So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize