singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
