Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
