I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
