the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
