Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
