i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
