When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
