Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
