Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
