You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
time to smoke my breakfast
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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