You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you had me at cake vodka
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
