He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
