I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
