i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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