the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
