i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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