I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
