As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
