i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
