He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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