This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
