just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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