I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
