True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
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Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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