Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
