If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
