What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
