i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
