If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
