Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
