ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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