Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
