and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
