i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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