that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
