I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
