why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
