her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
