i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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