i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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