I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
