Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
