nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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