I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
