now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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