Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
