we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Less talking, more tequila
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
When are your genitals available?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
