We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
