I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
