He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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