tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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