This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
