Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
