If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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