ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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