Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
