I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
