Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
