i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
