remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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