my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
