3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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