no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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