Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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