Yo dont text me then not text me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
