Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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