I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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