he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
