"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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