i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
