I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
