Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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