Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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