Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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