I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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