Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
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sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
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There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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