Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
