So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
