You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
