The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My dick has a subreddit
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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