i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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