your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
