hotel room ftw
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
