Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Your penis caused this!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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