I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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