Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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