I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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