I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
